The past few days, I have thought about happiness in my life. It started from the last week's blog of a sophomore's. There was a quote about happiness in her blog: "Happiness is not something to experience; it is something to remember." The quote resonated in my mind afterwards. Now that I think back, the time to realize what happiness actually is was an awkward light-bulb moment for a junior who is taking 3 AP exams the following week. And yes. I am the junior who took 2 AP tests this week at the moment I am writing this blog and have another one coming up soon. Surprisingly, I am trying to relax more and take times to think about the values in my life such as happiness in the midst of all these tough tests, which is something that I never expected. More surprisingly, I feel happier and satisfied than ever before in the midst of all these crazy schedules. Why is that? One disclaimer to make: I still do not know the definition of happiness and will never truly figure it out. But based on my feelings of happiness, I want to talk about happiness in the last blog of 2018 20% time project.
Compared to the one in 2017, this year's 20% time project gave me more stress and pressure. I felt like I was lost during the progress when things did not work out as I expected. I felt reluctant to work and spend time on this project, being afraid of using more or less than 20% of my days. Certainly, it was heart-breaking when I realized that what I have planned for the future, majoring in computer science, might not be a best fit for me. However, I was happy this year. I remember the moments of changes and the times when people came and told me how they were informed from my posts. I remember the plans I had at the beginning and how enthusiastic I was. I remember the failures and frustrations when I faced the barriers of this project. I remember all of them, which also means that I learned about all of them. Just as this project, this month, the rigorous month with SAT and AP, made me happier than other times. I remember the moments of mournings, accomplishments, and paying off of all the efforts and hard works that I have put in. Although it was the busiest month ever in my entire life, I felt happy. And I'm pretty sure that next year or even later I would look back at the photos, videos, or blogs in this website to remember how I lived and what I learned this year, which will again make me happy. Happiness might not come from something that you expected to make yourself happy. Happiness might come from something that you never expected to make yourself happy. There is no definition of happiness. What makes you happy is your definition of happiness. AND my definition of happiness through this year's 20% time project is a feeling that makes you look back on your footsteps, reflect on what you learned, grow from the failures. I was happy through this project. Thank you all for your support and reading my last blog:)
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